June 2009
1 post
Summer is upon us.
Less than a week in and summer has already been crazy. Fights with best friends. Psycho ex-girlfriends. Psycho current-nobody that wants to be my somebody. (NO MEANS NO, GOD DAMN IT.) Tanning, swimming, and working out…watching what I eat. Yeah, so far it’s had it’s ups and downs. Christian and I got into our first fight, ever. We solved it quickly. Daniel has been elsewhere....
May 2009
2 posts
Impulse.
Last night was definitely a night to remember. Now I understand everything. The monotony, the boredom, everything. It was as if my life hit a fucking wall when driving. Driving; Dani not talking to me in forever, Danny too busy with working out, Crystal too busy with God knows what, Melanie too busy with her work friends, Sam too busy with Patrick, Ashley too busy with Thadias. And me? I was...
Monotony.
Lately, everything’s been the same: Wake up at five am, go on the computer until about six am, get ready, leave for school at seven am, go to school until three pm, come home, clean up until about four thirty pm, go on the computer, talk on the phone, go to bed….Do everything all over again. I barely even talk to anyone anymore. Not on the phone or the computer. There isn’t even...
April 2009
13 posts
I think I had an epiphany.
Me: You know. I've always thought that my life would end up boring. End up monotonous like most people who end up being successful. Workaholics, but hate their jobs. But I? I think I could be a successful artist if I really strived for it. Maybe I need to concentrate on more than just graphic design. Photography. Maybe I'll continue singing. Maybe I'll actually learn how to play piano some day. Maybe I should continue fashion and sewing. Maybe I should let hair styling stay in the back of my mind, just in case.
Daniel: In my opinion, Rhode Island School of Design is an excellent school for artists.
Me: I know. That's where I belong. Not California.
Daniel: I don't know about your other school in California being so good for that.
Me: Though, I've fallen in love with the beach and...well, a boy. The beach will be close to me, anyways. I need to let him go. I'll find someone out there for me. Someone intellectual and artistic. Someone amazing. But I don't need anyone right now.
Daniel: True.
Me: I feel like I've had one of those moments...where I felt like everything was on the right path.
Daniel: Deja vu.
Me: Yes.
Daniel: Or maybe you just grew up a little more.
Me: This is true, also. I wonder what sparked this.
Daniel: Life.
Me: Yes. But...something in life had to have provoked it, you know?
Daniel: I'm not sure how to answer that.
Me: Neither do I. Some things in life aren't meant to be answered.
If I can't have love, I want the beach.
I really can’t wait until summer. I’m slowly falling for you and this is a problem. During the summer, you won’t be around. And I’ll miss you. But I know that this is for the best. You are older than me. You don’t live anywhere near me. And sure, you’re turning into something I could call a best friend. But it’s hard being best friends with someone that...
This weekend.
This weekend was by far one of the best weekends I’ve ever had. I’ve gone through every single emotion you could think of; happy, sad, angry, stressed, loved, bored, contemplative. You name it, I experienced it.
Friday night/Saturday Morning: After my rant about my shit day, night brought me amazing things. Daniel and I stayed up really late. Amazingly late. We talked of everything....
Today was one of those days.
One of those days where everything is complete and utter shit. Horrible, just horrible. I mean. Everything was fine, until…well, shit started going down. Like a damn avalanche. Once one thing started, it just lead to others.
Shit thing #1: Today I was participating in the Day of Silence. And someone started bitching at me about it, telling me I was stupid. Telling me it was a stupid idea....
Am I looking into it too much?
I mean. It seems as if it’s so much more than just explaining what it means. It seems as if he was actually trying to say something to me. Something more than just “I miss you”. I’m always the one to over analyze things. Christian even said so. He said it isn’t a bad thing, in fact, it’s a good thing. People that over analyze things always see things for what...
Why did I ever have hope in humanity?
Everyone is just so…stupid. They allow themselves to get trapped in this hole that they can never get out of. A black hole. Just spinning around and round for the rest of eternity. Seeing and doing the same things over and over again. (Okay, maybe not everyone is stupid, but people that don’t learn from their mistakes are.) Every history teacher I’ve ever had has told me,...
Let's play a game.
Yesterday, I woke up to Christian freaking out at me. “Oh my god, we have to play Xbox! Sami, you look stunning! I love your hair color.” I was slightly baffled. He never compliments people. I have to arrange some playing time with him, though. I miss him quite dearly. I mean, Michael loves him. So he should let me. Or so I hope he’ll let me. I miss playing with him. Daniel and I...
Logic at its worst.
Today, I woke up at 3am, as usual. And of course, Daniel was awake. (We talk like 24/7 these days.) Of course we talked. He got a little upset, so I let him vent at me. I told him to vent until his thoughts were cleared out completely. And it helped. Then we got into the subject of Trigonometry. I needed help with it, of course. Seeing as math, for some reason, isn’t logical in my mind. He...
Failure is not an option.
And yet? Yesterday was the biggest “fail” day I’ve ever had. First off, me and Daniel decided to play Risk. We love playing board games, and I’m always up for the challenge. We played, and I failed. Fail #1. Then I told him I wanted a rematch, because that’s how things always work for us. Fine. We decided to play with other people, though. So this guy starts hitting...
And it's coming to a close.
Spring break is officially over. When I woke up at 3 in the morning, today, I realized that. Especially when you weren’t around. You made up my spring break. But…even though spring break was over, things between me and you weren’t over. You came around, and made my morning amazing. We spoke of the weather, as cliche as that is. “Right now it’s clear. Balmy 36 degrees....
And the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Aries and leo. Ram and lion. Fire and fire. Oh god, the passion between the two is apparently amazing. The sex, the passion, the love between them. Apparently it’s exciting. I’ve been reading about this my entire life, and I’ve always wanted a leo. I still want a leo. I want to see how things would be. If things really are this way. We’re both apparently fierce and...
Warm me up.
Nothing really happened yesterday. Most of it was just a blur. Too boring to care about. I did the usual: woke up, took Tony to camp, slept a little longer, woke up again, and waited for Daniel to come back online. He’s the only person I talk to lately. No one else is around. And if other people are around, they don’t care enough to talk to me. It doesn’t bother me, really....
Stay the night.
Yesterday was pretty decent. What the fuck am I kidding? Yesterday was great. Ashley slept over the night before and went home yesterday. I kind of wish she didn’t. But hey, sleep overs always have to end eventually. Or else it wouldn’t be a sleep over. Then you’d be living with the damn person. I really can’t see myself living with her, either. Anyways, I spent the rest of...
March 2009
1 post
Wiping away the negativity.
I deleted all of my old posts. They were posts from the first two months of this year, and I was going through some crazy phase of downs. I’m happy. I’m the happiest person I know. I have no idea what I got myself into back then. I have no idea. But it’s all gone now, and I’m glad. I’m glad I’m myself again. Not only am I myself, but I’ve changed so much,...